Star Wars: Clone Wars
A Review by Cade Antilles
I shouldn’t have to sit here and explain to y’all about how much I love Star Wars. If you’ve been a reader of this site, you’ll know that this is mostly what I’m about. So, how can a review by someone as biased as me be worth reading? Right? Well, I’m sure another one of my fellow Procrastinators will have something to say, but I’m honor-bound to say something. So, firstly, I thought it was very cool, but it does have its flaws.
Get Smart
A Review by Cade Antilles
Multiple steel doors, a phone booth, a shoe phone, the cone of silence, missing it by that much and (don’t forget) the element of . . . SURPRISE! Icons of a nearly forgotten franchise. I loved the original series from the ’60s (which I watched in syndication), and follow-up film (Get Smart, Again!) in 1989, which starred the late Don Adams, and was created from the comical genius that is Mel Brooks. I LOATHED the 1995 TV series revival. Fortunately, that piece of defecated nonsense only lasted 7 episodes.
Now, with Steve Carell picking up the reigns, could this slapstick, James Bond spoof live up to its namesake? The answer is . . . yes!
Here’s a bit of advice for people planning to write movie reviews. This is not directed at people of this site, but to ALL movie reviewers.
DO NOT PUT PLOT SPOILERS IN YOUR REVIEW’S FRIGGIN’ TITLE!!!
I was perusing one of my favorite internet haunts, somethingawful.com, and noticed a review on M. Night Shyamalan’s new film, The Happening. What instantly set me off was that the twist ending that Shyamalan is known for was in the title of the review! What idiot thought that was a good idea!?
It would have been like walking out of the movie theatre, on opening day, of The Empire Strikes Back, and shouting, “Darth Vader is Luke’s father!? Never saw that coming!” Or, coming out of The Crying Game and yelling, “She’s a man!” Only this is worse, since the twist is the point of a Shyamalan film. Also, if you didn’t know about the above plot points, sorry I spoiled them, but kudos for going this whole time without knowing them.
Now, I’m not sure I want to see the movie. Something Awful has ruined it for me! Thanks, you schmucks!
He ran his hands across the wheel, feeling each bump and stitch of its surface. Gripping it, he heard a squeak and became aware of the leather’s grip to his bare hands. Niko Bellic sat in his jet-black Infernus, cradled in the luxurious cockpit, and he relished the adrenaline rush he knew was to come. Looking up at the stars, he felt that they were on his side. The left corner of his mouth lifted into a smirk as he dialed his friend.
“Yeah?!” the voice on the other end barked.
“Hey, Brucie. I feel like winning something. Know of any races?”
“NB! You’re an animal, baby! Yeah! There’s one in mid-Alderney! Get to Roebuck Road in Alderney City! Destroy ‘em!”
“Thanks.” (more…)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
A Review by Cade Antilles
As a youth, growing up in the 80s and 90s, I was drawn to tales of adventure. Possibly the greatest adventure hero in film history, and a definite childhood favorite of mine, is Indiana Jones. In all honesty, it is mostly due to the Indiana Jones franchise that I’d gained such a love of history.
It has been a long time in coming, but the silver screen was finally graced, once again, with that iconic fedora. Harrison Ford reprises his role as the intrepid archaeologist in the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Directed by Steven Spielberg and written by George Lucas, it had the trappings of a perfect union, because it was the golden formula that spawned the original trio. However, the newest addition just couldn’t measure up to the splendor of its predecessors.
This is going to be long, but it needs to be.
Finally, the rolling Banshee came to a sudden, sliding stop against the sound wall. Looking around, he could barely believe that, once again, he was not only alive, but relatively unharmed. Through the ringing in his ears, Niko Bellic could just barely hear the sirens. The police were still on his tail.
Crawling from the wreckage, Niko silently cursed the Mr. Faustin for sending him on yet another chore. Can’t this Russian thug take care of his own damn business? He quickly scanned the area and noticed he was near the highway. Perfect, I should be able to hitch a ride here. So, brazenly, he hopped the short wall and ran out onto the road. A minivan refused to stop and sped by, followed by a pair of taxis, then a sedan. The cops were getting closer and Niko was going nowhere fast.
Grand Theft Auto IV
A Review by Cade Antilles
Okay, here it is, the inevitable review for one of the most anticipated video game titles of 2008. Except, this game is so voluminous and grandiose that one week of play time just isn’t enough time to encompass its magnificence. This game, of course, is Grand Theft Auto IV!
In this latest installment to one of the most popular and controversial game franchises, Rockstar Games returns to the game’s roots by going back to Liberty City and setting it in modern day. This time, instead of playing the silent, nameless anti-hero of GTAIII, you portray Serbian immigrant Niko Bellic (who bears a striking resemblance to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) who gets off the boat to find that his cousin has been lying to him about how amazing the United States is. Playing a named anti-hero isn’t new for the series, though, as players have already portrayed Italian gangster Tommy Vercetti (voiced by Ray Liotta) in GTA: Vice City, and as African-American gang member Carl Johnson in GTA: San Andreas.
I am Legend
A Review by Cade Antilles
In the vein of the post-apocalypse, I just watched I Am Legend. I vaguely remember watching The Omega Man starring Charlton Heston back in the early ’90s, and I remember finding that to be a strange film. Maybe because it was made in the ’70s, maybe ’cause I was still a kid, or it was just plain weird. Anyway, I Am Legend and Omega Man were both based on the same source material: the novel I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. (and apparently there was another adaptation in 1964 called Last Man on Earth starring Vincent Price) I Am Legend, I thought, was a very good movie.
The film follows the exploits of survivor Robert Neville, portrayed by Will Smith, alone (except for his canine pal, Sam) in New York City. We see how he lives, what he does with his days, and how he deals with being a lone survivor. At night, mutated, blood-thirsty humans roam the streets in search of prey. Over the course of the film, we are shown flashbacks to before the apocalypse, and the story is progressively explained. The setting and plot are interesting, the character of Neville is entertaining, the visual effects for the environment were excellent, and I relished the eerie atmosphere of the film. On the flip-side, the plot felt predictable at times, the creature effects were sub-standard, and there was very little that was up-lifting about it (a standard for apocalyptic fiction, I know, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it).
A Trip Down Memory Lane
Recently, Gametrailers.com has begun a Star Wars Retrospective. They’re chronicling all Star Wars video games from the early 1980s through today. So far, they’ve done two episodes: one about the early arcade and Atari games, and the other about all games directly related to the plot of the Original Trilogy. Their plan appears to be to produce one episode every two weeks leading up to the release of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, a brand spanking new game from Lucasarts coming later this year.
If you want to reminisce about the old Star Wars games, check it out. Its also a great way to see the evolution of video games, in general. Its also good for a few laughs. I highly recommend seeing it, even if you’re not a Star Wars geek like me.
Warning! This review may contain spoilers!
Written by Karen Traviss and published in February 2008 by Del Rey Books, “Revelation” is the latest continuation of the Star Wars Expanded Universe. This is the eighth book in the nine-book Legacy of the Force series, which takes place 40 years after the events seen in the film Star Wars - Episode IV: A New Hope. This series was originally billed as a prelude to the events seen in the Dark Horse Comics Series “Star Wars: Legacy”. Although, it would seem that those claims are trivial as there have been only a couple of instances of allusion. So far, “Legacy of the Force” seems to have become its own stand alone series that continues to shape the EU. With one more book left in the series, we shall see what will come.
The book is decently written, but I must say that I am torn by Ms. Traviss’s writing style. I enjoy her take on Boba Fett and the Mandalorians, however I find it odd that someone with such an interest in writing about a warrior-people possesses such a poor ability to write action. Her style of writing is sufficient for the psychology of the characters, however combat feels abstract and unfocused. Its almost like applying the “shaky-cam” to the written word. Being that I already have a distinct hatred for Hollywood’s over-use of the “shaky-cam”, feeling like I’m being led to imagine in the same perspective irks me greatly. Since my only experience with her writing has been the Republic Commando and Legacy of the Force novels, I can only assume that this is how she always writes. (more…)
