Mar’s Top 5…Stand-Up Comics
Here is another awesome Top 5 List. This week I am making a list of my top 5 favorite stand-up comics. This is another one of those things that will change every now and then depending on what mental state I am in at the time. But I tried to do my best to make this one accurate. So lets go…
Warning: The following contains some adult language. If you are offended by such language do not read.
5. Sue Murphy. She has to be one of the funniest least known comics out there. I saw her in San Francisco about 8 or so years ago and have been a huge fan ever since. She is one of these comics that fully embraces all her flaws and turns it into comic gold. “Everybody is a dork. And it simplifies your life if you just admit it. If you just commit. I mean because you see people who think their really cool walkin’ around goin’ ‘Yeah I’m so cool!’ and it’s just so stupid. And it takes so much time and energy to jam that pole in your ass every morning.”
4. Dave Chappelle. Dave has become so popular that I really don’t have to tell you why he is on my list. “Sorry officer. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.”
3. Maria Bamford. Ah, what can I say about the Bammer. She is as neurotic as they come and I love her for it. “Mom’s very religious. She’s also very pro war, because that’s what Jesus would do. He’d smoke em out of their holes like the gentle carpenter. He only turns the other cheek to grab another can of WOOP ASS!”
2. Mitch Hedberg. This is one comic who will never lose his place on my list. He was one of the best. He had a really unique look always wearing sunglasses and his hair over his face to hide himself from the audience. And he was always looking down never directly at the audience. His shyness was one of the things that helped me relate to him. He also had a really weird cadence when delivering his jokes. He would pause a lot as if he wasn’t really sure if what he was saying was funny, but to me it always was. “When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy they always start a waiting list. They start calling out names. They’ll say ‘Dufrene, party of two. Everybody for Dufrene party of two.’ and if no one answers they’ll say the name again ’Dufrene party of 2′ but then if nobody answers they’ll just go right on to the next name ’Bush party of 3′. Yeah but what happen to the Dufrenes? nobody seems to give a shit! Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You fuckers are selfish! The Dufrenes are in someones trunk right now. With duck tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry. That’s a double whammy! We need help! Bush, search party of 3! You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.”
Mitch you will be missed. :(
1. Patton Oswalt. Patton. Patton. Patton. This guy’s performance is always solid. He is a short nerdy man who just happens to be one of the smartest and funniest men alive. He talks about everything from comic books, Black Angus, Tom Carvel, Hippies, NPR, Bob Ross, Republicans, James Lipton, 80’s metal, and getting high in Amsterdam. Patton has so much material stored in his head that he always seems to being doing new material and it’s always funny. “There is a very sick part of me that wants to vote for George Bush and this is why. Hang ON! I’m gonna take you into Mordor and bring you right back to The Shire. I feel like George Bush can bring about the biblical apocalypse. I don’t mean the Road Warrior, there’s no gas apocalypse or the Jerry Bruckheimer the weathers gone crazy apocalypse. I mean the Revelation of St. John. Demons coming out of the oceans, the seven headed beast, all that stuff. Because here’s the thing. I don’t think George Bush wants to be president. I think he wants to be THE LAST PRESIDENT!…and if the apocalypse happens that’s how I wanna die…It also means you will be in the VIP section of eternity! The velvet rope section of forever. Because you will have died in the apocalypse. Everybody else in heaven, can you imagine how boring there stories are ‘how did you die, man?’ ‘oh, a bus accident.’ ‘how did you die ,man?’ ’Fire ants.’ then they’ll go ’ how’d you die?’ and you’ll go ’ how’d I die?! IN THE MOTHER FUCKING APOCALYPSE! IT WAS AWESOME! Oh my GOD you should have seen it!’”
There you have it. Read, discuss, criticize. You know you want to.
